I want to get more personal artwork done.\u00a0 Instead, I find myself bogged down in work.\u00a0 Smothered.\u00a0 For the most part, I enjoy my work.\u00a0 Lately, however, I feel the pressure of not having enough time for my personal artwork.\u00a0 Tick, tick; ultra-aware that it’s all ticking by.\u00a0 I look at the calendar and am staggered that September is almost here.\u00a0 When I was younger I was told that as you get older, time whizzes by.\u00a0 I am older.\u00a0 It is whizzing.\u00a0 I cannot seem to stuff enough of what I want to do into the minutes I have.<\/p>\n
While at the Festival of Quilts show, I marveled at all of the beautiful work I saw.\u00a0 But I had a mixture of feelings going on: happiness — from meeting some people and reconnecting with others, inspiration from a lot of work I saw, pride from seeing my quilt on display at the SAQA exhibit and finding a vendor who was selling my book — right to a claustrophobic almost depression wave coming over me because I just cannot seem to produce the way I want to produce and I feel left out.\u00a0 Left out?\u00a0 I have a quilt in the show and a book being sold.\u00a0 How on earth can I feel left out?\u00a0 A want to smack myself!<\/p>\n
And so goes that internal argument bouncing around inside my head.\u00a0 I hear myself saying that I’m being silly and have my\u00a0 priorites out of whack.\u00a0 I remind myself to reflect on what I have accomplished instead of pressuring myself over what I haven’t.\u00a0 Yet then I’m right back to feeling the pressure of not doing enough.\u00a0 But what is enough?<\/p>\n
I read that in some cultures many are happy because expectiations are very low. Then, anything accomplished is a source of joy, a bonus.\u00a0 All in the community are collectively happy.\u00a0 Sounds good in theroy.\u00a0 Yet here I sit, feeling like I’ve missed the train of excitment and am instead wallowing in a stagnant mush of ho-hum.\u00a0\u00a0 Oh what I whinner!\u00a0 Stop whinning, start working.\u00a0 Stop working, relax.\u00a0 Relax. Relax.\u00a0 And get some sleep!\u00a0 Oh … it’s after 3 a.m. Maybe the best thing is to get some sleep and delete this post in the morning. It is morning.\u00a0 Sleep, and then get working.\u00a0 And relaxing.\u00a0 And stop the whinning.\u00a0 And make something already.\u00a0 Please.<\/p>\n